Every single decision I a made I felt like I needed to ask Dom first if I could. This isn't really making a decision at all, but I was blind to that at the time. I had to ask if I could buy certain foods, a glass of wine at a restaurant with my own money, or to go somewhere without him while he was at work.
A memory that really stands out for me is one night in particular. He told me to get out, so I packed my bag and I left with nowhere to go. There is a restaurant down the street and since I had not eaten I thought I would sit down and have a meal before going to a shelter for women. During that meal he called my cell phone, used his fake charm and said that he wanted me to come back, and that he was actually shocked that I wasn't standing in the driveway waiting for me to come out and retrieve me. (This is laughable to me now.What an ego!)
When I got in the door and unpacked he then accused me of eating at the restaurant in order to flirt with the waiters that were working there that night. I felt like a fool for being tricked again by his lies to be civil and loving.
If I did go out in his absence out of necessity I felt the need to report it to him as soon as he came home from work. If he asked me where I wanted to go out to for a coffee, I knew better than to make the decision because later I would be acused of selfishness for not considering where he wanted to go first. I always replied " whereever you want to go is fine honey, I really have no preferece."
During my entire relationship with Dom I was at my breaking point, just one step away from a nervous breakdown and I thought it was only a matter of time.
Please dear one, if you feel like this leave as soon as you can. Please learn from my pain, and do not repeat the mistakes I have made. God Bless You.
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