I was told once that I should be ashamed of myself for leaving a bowl in the sink. I had clearly broken a rule of the house. There were so many rules that there is no way I could remember them unless I wrote them all down. Everything I did and said was monitored very closely.
There were the chores of course, but there were words I wasn't allowed to use either. I referred to a girl in high school that called me a bitch and was heavily admonished for using this word. He called me a bitch all of the time, but there was another set of rules used just for me. I wasn't a person in his eyes, I was a source of ego and power supply seen as a two-dimensional cardboard cutout.
I wasn't allowed to have messy hair, have chipped nail polish (he would call this skanky nails) or wear red lipstick. He would also always tell me what jacket to wear when we went out.
If I neglected to follow ANY of these rules, I would be called horrible names, told I was no good and would never find anyone else but him to put up with me, crazy, ungrateful, and the list goes on.
If I read a book or watched a show and laughed or commented it I would be told that I was misinterpreting its meaning. He called this gentle reproof.
I am at ground zero building my self-esteem from the rubble that remains. Chastising and constant correction is just one facet of emotional and verbal abuse. There are more. This is just one subject. I am sure I could write a book on my experience but it would have to go somewhere in the horror section of the store.
Please dear one, leave if you find yourself in a relationship like this. Your other will just continue to chip away at your self-esteem until you either escape, commit suicide, or leave you entirely once he or she has broken you into pieces.
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