The Day I Realized I Was Being Abused

 It was so difficult  to say the words “emotionally abusive” having it refer to something I personally was experiencing. It was a bittersweet to have answered how was was possible that someone I loved could make me feel so terrible. This was a trauma that involved insinuating that I was always at fault for any problems in our relationship. To this day I don’t know how I allowed myself to get so attached to him the way that I did. But sometimes when you fall in love with someone, your common sense goes out the window to a point where you’re not thinking straight. 
I was writing in my journal one night when it hit me like a boulder. "He's abusing me!" I sat there stunned for a good five minutes. I had a good cry, and then doubted if I was right about what I already knew. Thankfully, he wasn't home at the time. After pacing around the apartment I decided to make a list of the evidence. The original plan was to tear it up afterwords, but I just had to see it on paper. I decided not to tear it up after all and hide it at the bottom of the maxi pad box. I began to look into emotional abuse online, and there was a list of which he was guilty of almost everything on it. This is the list:

If you aren’t sure what constitutes this damaging behavior, here are 30 signs of emotional abuse.

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

2. They regularly demean or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself.

4. They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

5. They try to control you and treat you like a child.

6. They correct or chastise you for your behavior.

7. You feel like you need permission to make decisions or go out somewhere.

8. They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

9. They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

10. They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.

11. They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

12. They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings

13. They accuse or blame you of things you know aren’t true.

14. They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.

15. They are intolerant of any seeming lack of respect.

16. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

17. The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.

18. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

19. They call you names, give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.

20. They are emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable most of the time.

21. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

22. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

23. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

24. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

25. They don’t seem to notice or care about your feelings.

26. They view you as an extension of themselves rather than as an individual.

27. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

28. They share personal information about you with others.

29. They invalidate or deny their emotionally abusive behavior when confronted.

30. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

I have decided to write this blog dear ones for my healing and for yours. I plan to go through each things on the list and relate my story.  God Bless You All!

Violet